Sometimes and unexpected visit from a wonderful friend results in an all day event of drinking tea and great conversation. Which at times is all that I really need! I cannot express how thankful I am that the good Lord has placed some exceptional people in my life. To lift me up, listen to me ramble, and allow me to learn from their experiences. Lately I have felt a little confused and frustrated at where we are in our journey. Feeling like I'm standing still while everyone else is racing by. But I have learned that this is not a race to parenthood. Some are destined to reach parenthood before me. As much as I try to win this race I will not reach the finish line until the Lord is ready for me to. And thankfully I have some really great people in my life that help me through it.
I know that through this journey, at times, I have not been the easiest person to get along with. I have had my days where I have not felt like being friendly and weeks maybe months of being depressed. But those that understand do not take it personally and are there for me when I pick myself up out of self pity.
Although we have not even begun our journey with the doctors I already feel myself becoming anxious. Will there be something wrong with me? The hubby? Will it involve invasive procedures? Or the most dreaded... Will biological children just not be an option? I have been doing alot of soul searching lately about adoption. And I don't want adoption to be our plan B. I don't want it to be a well if we cant have kids then we will settle for adoption. That just does not seem right to me for some reason. Because of our journey with infertility it has opened my eyes to alot of things.I think that even if we have a biological child, I still would like to adopt. All children are children of God. Even our biological children are not really ours. They are Gods children placed with us to care for and guide them to our Heavenly Father. I see adopted children just the same, children placed with us to care for and guide to our Father. And though I blogged about fostering just not being for us, it seems that lately it has been in more of our conversations than normal. I still do not know where I stand, but I will seek the Lords guidance. Part of me sees it has the opportunity to show a child love of a family and the love our Father has for them even if it results in that child being placed back with their family and not with ours. Emotionally I still do not know if it is something I can handle but God sure is breaking down the walls in the department. We will see where He leads us but the wonderful news is HE IS LEADING!! How wonderful is that??
The closer my relationship with the Lord becomes the more I see Him working in my life! Through placing great friends in my life! Changing the mindset I have on almost EVERYTHING! The amazing peace He gives me at times that I would normally be falling apart. The relationship between myself and the hubby! He is touching every area of my life and it elates me! I cant describe exactly how wonderful it really is!! I want to share His love with everyone I meet so that they can have the same wonderful blessings in there lives!!!!!!
Psalms 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.
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