2012 is fast approaching!

I remember, what seems not so long ago, thinking I will be pregnant by next year for sure! Thinking that there would be no way that I would still be trying to conceive by 2012! This is the last month, the last chance to become pregnant in 2011! Which likely will not happen. I never in a million years thought I would be battling infertility, but I am. God chose us to sustain this struggle. He chose us to show His love and support to others through this struggle. And I'm okay with this. The one thing Ive learned through this process is nothing is in our time, its all in His time. It does not matter if its 2011 or 2015 its going to happen when the good Lord wants it to happen. And there is a possibility that He just does not want us to have biological children. I do not know what His plan is, and at times I struggle with trying to understand His plan. But it just reminds me that I'm not suppose to try and understand or figure out His plan. I'm suppose to trust and have faith that His wondrous plan will prevail.

I'm the type of person that when I want something or want to do something, I make it happen. I get on it right then and there to accomplish whatever plan I have come up with. With infertility I have no control. I cant make it happen. So it has been a major learning experience for me! I have learned that I am not in control God is. It has been a trying, depressing at times, faith shaking lesson. But it has also been a spiritual growing, finding happiness through God, faith building, lesson also. And I'm thankful for that! I have been strengthened in my faith through this process and that's the best gift I could receive! Even better then the gift of a child.

So I will go into 2012 hopeful and faithful. Hopeful that the Lord will provide us with a child and faithful that even if He doesn't He will be constant in our lives. Because in reality we need Him more than we need anything in this life.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)