So I'm back to taking my ovulation test! But this month I opted for the test strips, not the fancy digital yes or no. And I'm confused! Lol! Ill look at one and then the other.... walk away for a few... come back and look again. Is this line darker then yesterdays??? That's the question I have asked myself all day. Then when the hubby gets home I ask him. His response.. "they all look the same". Which does not help! :) The life of an infertil!! Sometimes it seems like our BIGGEST worry is are we ovulating!!So I'm not sure exactly but lets pray we hit our "window" at just the right time!
In the beginning I was on top of all these things. Eating a special diet, taking prenatals, taking ovulation test, ect. I decided a few months back to stop "trying so hard" ( I hate that expression). So I have slacked off ALOT!! Taking in way to much caffeine and not taking any prenatals. So Ive decided to jump back in! I'm going to lay off the caffeine (as much as I can!!) and start back on my prenatals. I had this weird superstition that if I take prenatals I'm jinxing myself! Crazy I know! But after many months of not taking them and still not becoming pregnant all of my silly superstitions are proved wrong!
Sometimes I think "How is it so easy for some to get pregnant and not others?" I know that some couples are given a specific reason for there infertility, but what about those that are labeled "unknown infertility" With all of the technology today you would think that they could find the cause and find a cure! The logical part of me realizes that if it were that simple doctors would have found this cure by now, but the whiny baby side of me want to pout in the corner while profusely yelling "not fair" Lol.
I find myself getting sucked into my "baby obsession" again. Telling myself "It wouldn't hurt to go ahead and paint the room" giving myself every reason of why it makes sense! But the truth is it would only remind me that the room was empty because once I paint it, it would gain the label BABY'S ROOM! And knowing how I am I wouldn't stop there. Before you know it I would have two whole bedroom sets bought. One for a boy and one for a girl. I have become so obsessed that Ive actually told myself that if I don't buy it now they wont make that set I just have to have by the time I finally have a baby! Which is crazy! I have to stop and level head myself at times! Taking note that if I'm reasoning with myself on why something does not sound crazy, it in fact probably does! I mean what would I tell people if they came in my house and I had a full nursery set up? Sadly these are things women dealing with infertility go through. I thought the other day " what if I buy a pack of diapers every week until we get pregnant or adopt a baby" I would have enough diapers to last me until the kid was potty trained! This was a genius idea to me! But then I thought "where would I put them all and how would I explain why I have diapers coming out my ears??" LOL!
I have my nephew tonight and realized we were out of diapers and I literally got excited that I would have to run out to the store to buy some! (we ended up finding a couple in his drawer so I didn't get to go) But most moms don't get excited about having to run out at night to go and get diapers! That's appreciating the little things! Appreciating that you have a reason to have to get out even if it is an inconvenience! Remember there is always someone out there wishing they had a reason to run out for diapers!
Anyway! I'm still waiting to hear about my acupuncture appointment. I'm skeptical and nervous. I'm not big on needles. AT ALL! But when it comes to baby I'll try just about anything! I'm curious as to where she will be sticking these needles and if it will hurt or not but like I said I'll do just about anything. So if I go Monday I'll let you know all about it!
Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God.
Job 37:14
Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!
I Peter 1:6
I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.
Psalm 43:4
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you.
Psalm 32:8
HAHAHAHA I have had those same nursery thoughts too! lol. I don't think it's crazy, but it would probably be difficult to walk by everyday :( But I do think one day you guys will def. be parents. It's the when and how that are so unpredictable. God's timing is definitely not in line with our own lol. But at least He is looking at the entire story, and we are only seeing a small portion of it. That's why it doesnt make sense rt now. BUT it's comforting knowing that an amazing God already wrote out your story... beginning to end ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are so right!!! I just wish sometimes I could sneek a peek at some of the latter chapters lol
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