Today was much better then yesterday! Praise the Lord! Jealousy has subsided! (for now lol) I received some encouraging words from some oh so awesome girls! And got to spill to my own human diary that seems to always have just the right words!! :) I also called about my acupuncture appointment and am waiting to hear back from them! The hubby and I had some in depth convo! And are going to try with everything we have to make it to the doctor Monday! Please pray that work schedules and all obstacles are pushed out of our way so that we make this appointment!
I went grocery shopping today with every intent on cooking a wonderful meal when I got home. Half way through my back started hurting, I was getting tired, and getting home to unload all the groceries AND COOK! was not looking all that fun to me. I don't know if your like me, but every time I grocery shop I end up picking up drive thru on the way home! It made me think, okay I'm putting in all this grocery shopping and giving up half way through and giving in to the easy way out by running through a drive thru and getting something quick and easy. It would be so nice if infertility worked this way! If I could say "okay I'm tired! Where is my quick and easy way to pregnancy?" Wheres my little red easy button?? Which brings me to my wonderful Savior. What if He gave up? What if He put all the work in proving Himself through miracles and touching lives but when it came time to give His life for us He said nah I'm tired I think Ill take the easy way out and give up? Well we wouldn't have the option of eternal life. We wouldn't have all of our sins washed away. And we wouldn't have our Savior there to catch us when we fall, guiding us to our path. So I wont give up! I wont take the easy way out and say I'm tired of trying. I wont give up! Even if at times I feel like it!
A very wise friend once told me infertility is something that you can not escape. And there really is no better way to describe it. You can start a hobby and stop if you don't like it anymore. You can go to collage for one thing and change you major half way through. You can even date someone you think you want to marry and have a change of heart throughout the relationship. But you can not escape infertility. Its there EVERYDAY! You can say you don't want to think about it, but you do. You can say you want to stop trying, but you cant. But recently I have realized I never want to fully escape it! Crazy right? If I were to find out I were pregnant today I would have a different type of joy then if I had never dealt with infertility. Now my heart would weep for those Ive become close to and even those I do not know dealing with infertility. Of course I would be happy that we were pregnant but there still would be that sadness I would feel. I never want to forget the struggle. Even if we achieve pregnancy I still want to reach out to those dealing with infertility with support and any advice that I could offer. Sharing with them the love of God through there struggle. He is the only one that is carrying us through our struggle. I don't know why God has placed infertility in our lives, but I do know that there is a reason. Its my job to figure out why and show His glory through our experience.
This blog has kind of turned into a ramble! Sorry if I sound crazy at times lol but I don't write before I get on here of even plan out what I'm going to say! I just get on and gush out everything I'm feeling! Lol!
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1Corinthians 10:31
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