A huge bottle of super glue (a.k.a FAITH) and a broom (a.k.a GOD) to pick up the pieces!
WARNING: This blog may contain TMI for some :)
So in my last blog I talked about how I had told myself that I would be pregnant by 2012 all year and that December was my last month for that chance. As the month went on my hopes began to build! And when new years eve came I couldnt believe it!! Still no period. I tried all month to not get excited and to not get my hopes up. I made sure and not even voice my excitement in fear that I may jinx myself!! On new years eve day I started to think about how great it would be that I actually achieved pregnancy in the last month of 2011!!!! Me and the hubby stayed in on new years eve! Sitting on the couch waiting for the count down! Ten minutes til i decided to make a trip to the restroom before the new year hit and devastation occured! My period came! I hated that I let myself get so excited and that I had let my hopes build so high! It only set me up for a bigger disappointment! I had ten minutes to regain my composure and enjoy my new year with my husband which seemed impossible. But I have had lots of experience over that last year on picking myself up with Gods help! So we did not achieve parenthood in 2011 and I brought in 2012 with the reminder of not being pregnant and what I will probably experience alot more of in 2012!
Yesterday me and the hubby spent the whole day together relaxing. I have had an earache for a little while now, I randomly told him "I wish this earache would go away" and he replyed "I wish you were pregnant". It caught me off guard and reminded me that this affects him just as much as it affects me. Even though he does not show his depair in not becoming a father he feels it! That breaks my heart. On our wedding day I never thought we would be here yearning to be parents so badly.
As I read and hear everyones hopes for 2012 it makes me think of our own upcoming year. Im sure it will be filled with tons of uncomfortable doctors appointments, negative pregnancy test, tears and fears, financial struggles, depression here and there, lots of long talks with special friends, and questions each month from family on if we are pregnant yet. But my hopes for 2012 are answers to our infertility, peace in times of despair, strength in our marriage through our journey, a stronger glorifying relationship with our Savior, and by Gods grace a pregnancy!!
My favorite bible verse that I know I will think of daily is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I wish all of you joy, peace, and happiness in 2012! But most of all I wish and pray for any of you that do not know the Lord to seek Him!
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