So ever since the nurse told me I have to call her on the first day of my period I have been waiting for it to come! I have spent so many months praying for it to not come and breaking down when it does and now here I sit waiting for it!! Don't get me wrong! I will be ecstatic if it does not come and I am in fact pregnant! That would be the ultimate blessing!! But I still find it ironic that the one thing I have been warding off like the plague Im now waiting for!
Im nervous! This process is an emotional up and down series of events! Being stressed and worried waiting on the results from the hubbys test.. finally getting them and being happy right back to being worried and stressed over the next appointment. Ive come to realize that there is probably going to be alot more of these ups and downs! Right now Im excited to see the ultrasound of my follicles! With either an up or down to follow depending on those results. Im trying to mentally prepare myself. Obviously there is going to be something wrong otherwise we would not have an issue getting pregnant. But along with this I have a massive feeling of being "broken"! I feel like my body is "broken" because it is not doing what its made to do! I feel like my heart is "broken" because I can not make our family grow! I have to stand strong in my faith and Gods plan for me! The feelings of all this brokenness can cause one to become depressed. If I let go I know that this can become wreck less and cause brokenness in other areas of my life. Its exhausting! I feel like I need to exhale but cant! That if I do finally exhale I will allow myself to be at that vulnerable state that could cause me to shatter!
I know I have talked about an infertility get together several times throughout my blogs. Well the planning has started. We are looking towards late spring early summer. We are in talks of having a wonderful lady that all of us can relate to open, a small devotional, and a share your story time (if you would like to share) followed but refreshments. The one thing I look forward to the most in this event is learning Gods word on dealing with infertility and the strength and peace He provides for us and forming a sisterhood with others who know the shoes you walk in. I have met so many great girls through this process that have been there for me to lift me up while I have been down. To share with me there experiences and learn from each other. If you would like to attend please get in contact with me through facebook or text! It will be a true blessing and a great opportunity to feel love and support from others dealing with infertility!
"For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)
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