So for the past two weeks I have stayed shut up in my house letting myself sink into a depression! I did get out 3 of those days but it did not help relieve the feelings Im having. I wake up each morning telling myself that I may as well stay in bed because I have no reason to get up. No purpose! I thought about maybe getting a job, but that would not cure these feelings because the only job I want is to be a mother! So I continued to mope all week alternating from couch to bed. Wasting my days away. I still think about what if we dont have a child? What will I do with the rest of our lives? I know this sounds crazy but it is really how I feel. There is a positive outcome of my two weeks down! I took the two weeks to soak myself in the pages of a book! A book called 1001 BABY NAMES! Lol And as a result we have our boy and girl name now set in stone! :) I will be keeping those a secret until the wonderful day of parenthood arrives! I have to let yall have a little suspense! Lol. I found myself this week asking God "Is this your plan"? "How can this be your plan for me"? Im thankful for my infertility because it has taught me what a true relationship with the Lord really is. It has built my faith but I still falter and doubt! Asking God "Ive learned that my relationship with you was not where it needed to be" But Im here now humble and faithfully waiting. How much longer do I have to wait God?" And then I have that reminder pop into my head
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I have realized that I have let my life focus on baby baby baby again! When God should be my focus! I could be missing out on a wonderful plan he has for me by being a baby myself, by staying home and sulking. So hello world! Im back out and about! And what happens as soon as I get out and about socializing again?? I have a wonderful talk with a friend that raises and interesting proposal. To become a CASA! A court appointed special advocate!
CASA volunteers are appointed by judges to advocate for the best interests of abused and neglected children in court and other settings.
I would help with children in foster care that are going through court proceedings. Being there voice and helping to support them emotionally. I love that I will be helping children going through one of the toughest times but at the same time they will help me through one of mine. Being able to show a child love and support is what I want. Ive just been to busy focusing on that being MY child. Not thinking that I could do that very thing with children who need a special someone in there life. Even if it is just for a short time.
Im still considering this. And there are training courses that I will have to go through but Im really liking this proposal. I will pray for Gods guidance and if this is where he wants me to be. I think about meeting a child and maybe being the only person to ever mention Jesus and His love for them through a ruff time in there life.
Im also thinking that I may volunteer at an orphanage. Having worship time with them and sharing my love of crafts with them. I am in search of an orphanage in our area. Which are rare these days with so many foster homes. But we think we may have found one is Mississippi. It would be a drive but where ever He leads Ill go! :)
So moral of my two week mope? I do have a purpose! I just have to stop being narrow minded and think that my ONLY purpose is the one I think I should have.
No comments:
Post a Comment