Saturday, February 25, 2012
results of hcg round!
So I have recieved a ton of text and messages on how our results went. After a full week of negative pregnancy test I was still holding out hope for a missed period. Only for Aunt Flo to arrive today. I dont want to write a long blog because Im not in a good place right now. Im always about staying positive but since the first negative test last week I have been really negative and just plain out depressed. This round has affected the hubby the most so far. Im going to allow myself to process and be sad before we make a decision of if we are going to go through with another round of HCG. Ill post another blog when Im in better spirits. Thanks to all of you for your concerns and prayers.
Monday, February 13, 2012
My poor husband!!!
So it has been four days since my HCG shot and my hormones are running wild! Mixed with nerves of "Is this gonna work"! I have been an emotional wreck! The side effects of the shot have caused nausea and ovulation pains along with a sore tush from the site of injection!!We are playing the waiting game again! Two weeks until we can take THE TEST!! ( well technically 10 days ) The doctor put us on a "schedule", and it seems that all the "times" she gave us are the same times the hubby was called out to work. Of all times for him to get called out soooo much! Which added to my emotional break downs! On top of all this I have come down with a terrible sore throat! Yay! Just in time that I cant take ANY medication! But at this point I am determined and will endure all of the emotions and sickness with a smile on my face!! Even through the tears lol! I feel like we are soooo close! That parenthood is on my finger tips! But if we do not achieve parenthood this time Im going to stand strong in the belief that it was just not Gods plan for us. This does not mean I wont break down and fall apart! But it does mean that I will get back up again and never give up!
I have let myself go a little overboard! Youtubing pregnancy announcement videos ( which added to my bouts of crying) and filling up folders on my computer with baby room ideas! This is not the first time I have done these type things! Which scares me! I set myself up for sadness if the test comes out negative. But its like I cant help myself! Lol! The hubbys hopes are so high that I worry that it will crush him if the test comes out negative. He has not been this excited through our entire journey. I try to say things like "well lets not get our hopes up" or" it may not come out positive." And he just gives me this look like "are you crazy" and says "of course its gonna be positive". He tells me dont say that we might not be pregnant. And things like "just think your already pregnant!" Im all for "think positive" attitude but I worry! The option of not being pregnant is just not an option for him! I told him the other day if this does not work we are going to be doing the same appointment next month. His reply: "No next month we are going to be going in for your pregnancy appointment" :/ Please pray for both of us to get the results that we WANT but if its not meant to be pray that we have the understanding of Gods love and wisdom to know that it just was not our time.
I have let myself go a little overboard! Youtubing pregnancy announcement videos ( which added to my bouts of crying) and filling up folders on my computer with baby room ideas! This is not the first time I have done these type things! Which scares me! I set myself up for sadness if the test comes out negative. But its like I cant help myself! Lol! The hubbys hopes are so high that I worry that it will crush him if the test comes out negative. He has not been this excited through our entire journey. I try to say things like "well lets not get our hopes up" or" it may not come out positive." And he just gives me this look like "are you crazy" and says "of course its gonna be positive". He tells me dont say that we might not be pregnant. And things like "just think your already pregnant!" Im all for "think positive" attitude but I worry! The option of not being pregnant is just not an option for him! I told him the other day if this does not work we are going to be doing the same appointment next month. His reply: "No next month we are going to be going in for your pregnancy appointment" :/ Please pray for both of us to get the results that we WANT but if its not meant to be pray that we have the understanding of Gods love and wisdom to know that it just was not our time.
Lamentations 3:25 ESV / 39 helpful votes
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.Psalm 39:7 ESV / 24 helpful votes
“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.Micah 7:7 ESV / 21 helpful votes
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.Psalm 27:14 ESV / 20 helpful votes
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!Psalm 62:5 ESV / 18 helpful votes
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.Thursday, February 9, 2012
The long awaited UPDATE!
So we just walked in the door from our appointment. Im not sure how I feel right this moment. Im still processing I guess.
When we first walked in the waiting room there were not that many people in there. I filled out the necessary paperwork and we waited. While waiting this cute couple came walking out talking about being 18 weeks pregnant and the dad was gleaming!! He was holding folded up ultrasound pictures and that fell open! There were so many that it almost unfolded to the floor. I felt a rush of emotions (that were unexpected) and started to tear up. Not because I was jealous but because I was thinking that just might be us here soon!
Before my ultra sound I realized I forgot my shot in the car so the hubby ran down to get in. The ultrasound tech could not wait and had to get started.The ultrasound tech did my ultra sound and was showing me all of these different things on a tv across the room (which is when I really wished I had brought my glasses) The hubby made it back right when she was finishing up! I told him he missed all the good stuff! Lol She then told me that the doctor would go over everything with us.
So we waited again. When we finally saw the doctor I pulled out a long list of questions and started rambling them off. She answered each question in detail and me and the hubby like her ALOT! After all of my questions were answered she got down to the ultrasound. She told me that my right ovary has a very large healthy follicle that is in the process of ovulation and the my left ovary has a fair follicle that may or may not develop into ovulating. She then told me that because my body is producing healthy follicles that I would not need the clomid. She gave me the HCG shot to increase ovulation in the already ovulating follicle and to try to increase the chance of the second follicle to ovulate. She sent us home with the hopes of getting pregnant and to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks from today. If I do not become pregnant we will do this cycle one more time. If it does not work the second time then they will send me for an HSG which will tell me if there are any blockages and flush my tubes.
She also told me not to take a pregnancy test for the next two week because it will come up positive due to the shot they gave me! I got a little excited thinking "oh im gonna take one for fun!! Ill finally get to see a positive test even if its not real" lol But Im not really gonna do this! I want the first time I get a positive result to be the real thing!!!!
So that is where we are as of now! I want to say !THANKYOU! so so much to all of you sending encouraging words, prayers, and love to us through facebook, texts, and emails!! Yall really do not understand how much it means to us! When I was reading all of them to the hubby on the way to the doctor he was shocked at how many people are rooting for us and showing how much they care while we are going through this!! It is just amazing! I thank God for each and everyone of you! You all helped me to be a little bit calmer and more encouraged on a day that I have been sick with nerves over for the last week and a half! God is so good! And is hearing all of our prayers! Im so thankful for the news we received today even with not knowing what is to come! I give Him ALL OF THE GLORY!! Without Him there would be no plan or purpose to this life! I can not wait to see what He has instore for us!
A friend shared this verse with me today and it really touched my heart!
Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
When we first walked in the waiting room there were not that many people in there. I filled out the necessary paperwork and we waited. While waiting this cute couple came walking out talking about being 18 weeks pregnant and the dad was gleaming!! He was holding folded up ultrasound pictures and that fell open! There were so many that it almost unfolded to the floor. I felt a rush of emotions (that were unexpected) and started to tear up. Not because I was jealous but because I was thinking that just might be us here soon!
Before my ultra sound I realized I forgot my shot in the car so the hubby ran down to get in. The ultrasound tech could not wait and had to get started.The ultrasound tech did my ultra sound and was showing me all of these different things on a tv across the room (which is when I really wished I had brought my glasses) The hubby made it back right when she was finishing up! I told him he missed all the good stuff! Lol She then told me that the doctor would go over everything with us.
So we waited again. When we finally saw the doctor I pulled out a long list of questions and started rambling them off. She answered each question in detail and me and the hubby like her ALOT! After all of my questions were answered she got down to the ultrasound. She told me that my right ovary has a very large healthy follicle that is in the process of ovulation and the my left ovary has a fair follicle that may or may not develop into ovulating. She then told me that because my body is producing healthy follicles that I would not need the clomid. She gave me the HCG shot to increase ovulation in the already ovulating follicle and to try to increase the chance of the second follicle to ovulate. She sent us home with the hopes of getting pregnant and to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks from today. If I do not become pregnant we will do this cycle one more time. If it does not work the second time then they will send me for an HSG which will tell me if there are any blockages and flush my tubes.
She also told me not to take a pregnancy test for the next two week because it will come up positive due to the shot they gave me! I got a little excited thinking "oh im gonna take one for fun!! Ill finally get to see a positive test even if its not real" lol But Im not really gonna do this! I want the first time I get a positive result to be the real thing!!!!
So that is where we are as of now! I want to say !THANKYOU! so so much to all of you sending encouraging words, prayers, and love to us through facebook, texts, and emails!! Yall really do not understand how much it means to us! When I was reading all of them to the hubby on the way to the doctor he was shocked at how many people are rooting for us and showing how much they care while we are going through this!! It is just amazing! I thank God for each and everyone of you! You all helped me to be a little bit calmer and more encouraged on a day that I have been sick with nerves over for the last week and a half! God is so good! And is hearing all of our prayers! Im so thankful for the news we received today even with not knowing what is to come! I give Him ALL OF THE GLORY!! Without Him there would be no plan or purpose to this life! I can not wait to see what He has instore for us!
1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV / 513 helpful votes
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.A friend shared this verse with me today and it really touched my heart!
Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Thursday will be here before I know it!
It seems like time is flying! Im so nervous about this appointment!! Part of me wants to run the other way! Which is crazy because I have been waiting on this appointment for almost 2 years! Im terrified of the results! All week I have played every scenario in my head! My worst fear is that they tell me that I can not have a child! How will I react... What will I do next? I try so hard to stay positive and SMILE even when I want to cry but this appointment is throwing me off! I have been asked twice this week what is wrong with me. I did not even realize that my true emotions are showing that much! I just cant help but feel down! I am constantly in prayer. I catch myself praying without even knowing. But I know that no matter how hard or long I pray, if it is Gods will for me to not physically have children I wont, I have to accept that and seek His guidance in His plan for us.
I stepped outside the other day to find a box at the door! It made this appointment a reality for me! I tore into the box already knowing what I would find. This huge box full of bubble paper and two small bottles of liquid. Medication that I have to bring to the doctor Thursday to boost ovulation if I am not producing healthy eggs and follicles. Looking at the two bottles made me think, these two little things could be the answer to our journey towards parenthood. But it could also never even be put to use if we receive the answers that we are hoping and praying not to receive.
Me and the hubby talk alot about the appointment. His answer is always the same, encouraging and loving. Assuring me that no matter what everything will be alright! We talk alot about adoption if we get news that biological children are not possible. We are both very open to adoption, to the point of wanting to adopt even if we can have children. But thinking of adoption with no biological children makes me sad. I know that it sounds selfish and dont get me wrong I will be ecstatic either way. But it makes me sad to think that adoption would be our only option. That means that I will never get to see if our little one would look just like me or just like the hubby! Or a perfect mix of us both. That makes me so sad to think about. I always think if we have a child I hope it has my husbands beautiful blue eyes and his straight dark hair. But the thought that always follows is will I ever get to see that?
I know that Jesus loves me and that He hurts to see me hurt. I also know that dealing with the consequences that only I have created is part of life. He gives us all free will to make our own decisions. I still struggle with "Is infertility a consequence placed in my life due to past sins" I wonder this often and do not know the answer. I do know that God uses trials in the lives of some to show His mercy and love. I just dont know yet which one of those my infertility falls under.
I still stand strong in the Lord having a special plan for me! I know that He will prevail and that its important that I turn my attention from earthly things and wants and have my full attention and focus on Him. Depending on Him fully. Having faith in His unconditional love for me, my husband, and our life.
Please pray for us this week and my next post will be updating yall on the big appointment!
The Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting …” (Psalm 100:5)
“For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him … But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him.” (Psalm 103:11,17)
I stepped outside the other day to find a box at the door! It made this appointment a reality for me! I tore into the box already knowing what I would find. This huge box full of bubble paper and two small bottles of liquid. Medication that I have to bring to the doctor Thursday to boost ovulation if I am not producing healthy eggs and follicles. Looking at the two bottles made me think, these two little things could be the answer to our journey towards parenthood. But it could also never even be put to use if we receive the answers that we are hoping and praying not to receive.
Me and the hubby talk alot about the appointment. His answer is always the same, encouraging and loving. Assuring me that no matter what everything will be alright! We talk alot about adoption if we get news that biological children are not possible. We are both very open to adoption, to the point of wanting to adopt even if we can have children. But thinking of adoption with no biological children makes me sad. I know that it sounds selfish and dont get me wrong I will be ecstatic either way. But it makes me sad to think that adoption would be our only option. That means that I will never get to see if our little one would look just like me or just like the hubby! Or a perfect mix of us both. That makes me so sad to think about. I always think if we have a child I hope it has my husbands beautiful blue eyes and his straight dark hair. But the thought that always follows is will I ever get to see that?
I know that Jesus loves me and that He hurts to see me hurt. I also know that dealing with the consequences that only I have created is part of life. He gives us all free will to make our own decisions. I still struggle with "Is infertility a consequence placed in my life due to past sins" I wonder this often and do not know the answer. I do know that God uses trials in the lives of some to show His mercy and love. I just dont know yet which one of those my infertility falls under.
I still stand strong in the Lord having a special plan for me! I know that He will prevail and that its important that I turn my attention from earthly things and wants and have my full attention and focus on Him. Depending on Him fully. Having faith in His unconditional love for me, my husband, and our life.
Please pray for us this week and my next post will be updating yall on the big appointment!
The Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting …” (Psalm 100:5)
“For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him … But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him.” (Psalm 103:11,17)
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