Okay so if you are another infertil out there you will get this blog if not you will think im crazy lol! So us girls dealing with infertility go through the same cycle each month. And our months dont start on the 1st they start on the last day of our period. We start by breaking out the ovulation kits, writing down each day and time we get a NO until the day comes that we get the big YES! Then its time to get down to business all along praying prayers that are sometimes even selfish. Then it starts! Looking for each little sign of pregnancy... google history full with "earliest pregnancy symptoms". Pumping ourselfs with prenatals, eating the special getting pregnant diets, avoiding all things that could be unhealthy or cause miscarriage. Trying to relax all the while. Then come the early signs of the dreaded cramps that we all convince ourselves that can in fact just be a sign of becoming pregnant. We start going to the bathroom every hour on the hour to make sure that IT has not arrived. Meanwhile between bathroom visits we are breaking out our calanders trying to force the dates to change and say we are late. Then IT happens and we immediatley convince ourselves that IT is just implantations bleeding. On our next bathroom visit comes the breakdown. The crying. The questioning. The reasoning. Then the praying, picking ourselves up, and starting all over. The fresh start... sigh! This is the vicious cycle of the the hopeful infertil wanna be mother! Not to mention the months that say we come down with the flu or something. Being infertil makes you blame every little symptom to being pregnant. You get a runny nose and find yourself googling if that can be a sign of pregnancy and then to be safe you dont take any medication that could cause problems in a pregnancy "just in case" only to find out later that month that you suffered through all of that for nothing!
And i know that it is going to be even more emotional once fertility doctors with invasive procedures are involved. I have to admit that after reading up on all that is involved in fertility treatment im a little afraid. I actually had a moment of can i put myself through this emotionally? Do i really want to put my marriage through this? As of right now we have not even made it to Bretts first appointment and i have that feeling of once we walk in that office and start the procedures there is no turning back. So the first thing i did was go to the Lord in prayer asking for his guidence. And we decided that we are going through with it. So i then went to the Lord in prayer for strength to get me through what all is to come. I know that my Savior is filled with kindness and goodness and has the best plan for me and that he will bring me through this no matter which way all of this goes. I guess my reason for this blog is to give a little insight to those who do not know what exactly a person dealing with infertility goes through. It turns into a lifestyle. We are more sensitive then you think. Things that you think may not hurt... Do. We are all really good at putting on a brave face and acting like just passing the baby section in walmart doesnt throw us into an almost emotional breakdown. Just remember when you complain of a pregnancy symptom you are having there is someone our there just wishing for those symptoms, when you are ready to pull you hair out because of a teething baby, or the terrible two's. There is someone out there that would give anything to have that in their life.
I Peter 3:8:
Finally, everyone must live in harmony, be sympathetic, love each other, have compassion, and be humble.
No comments:
Post a Comment