Finding Strength Through God

So yet again comes the day we find out  we have not achieved parenthood. Oddly this month I am at peace! No tears or breakdowns! I find myself with a strength I did not have before! I have faith that Gods plan will prevail. Whatever that plan may be. And that I no longer have to worry about it.

"You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it. If you cannot do even the little things, then why worry about the big things." Luke 12:25-26

Since I have given my trial of infertility to the Lord I have found myself less and less concerned with ovulation calculaters and special diets. Now dont get me wrong I am still trying to get pregnant and keeping up with all of these things, but I am not obsessed with it or letting it take over my life! I know that it is in Gods hands and he is taking care of it for me so I dont have to focus on carrying this load alone.

"But seek God's kingdom, and all the other things you need will be given to you," Luke 12:31

What this verse reminds me is that you are to put nothing before God. He is to be your main focus and what you strive for daily. By being obsessed with all things baby, I was putting becoming pregnant before him. I was not seeking God FIRST! I was seeking becoming pregnant first and asking God for help after each negative test. And this applies to all aspects of life. God should come before all else. You will not truly be blessed if there are any "idols" you are putting before God. And in a way I was making becoming pregnant my "idol".

As long as God places a desire on my heart to have a child I will continue to try. I will not give up on any path he leads me on. Even if that path is adoption or no baby at all I will have faith in his plan for me.

"I have told you these things to keep you from giving up." John 16:1

Oddly I am thankful for my infertility. I know that sounds crazy right? But I am thankful for it! I am thankful because it has renewed my relationship with christ! I have become closer to him through this! And that may have been his plan all along! God has truly blessed me!

Now instead of saddness I am excited! I cant wait to see where Gods plan for me leads! You never know he may be leading me to be a mother, he may be leading me to help others going through what I am going through, he may be leading me to be a mother to a child that does not have one, he may be leading me to help children in other countries find Jesus! You never know but until then I am faithfully waiting on his plan to be unveiled!