This past month i think God truly knew i was breaking as a human being! So he delicatly placed his hand directly in my life and threw blinders on me! I have been so distracted this month that i almost forgot about trying to get pregnant and that i have trouble trying to concieve!! I took a few ovulation test this month but not everyday like i am suppose to. I havent obsessed with all things baby so much! I have been so busy with my little business and getting ready for markets. God also placed a special friend in my life that just gets me and understands and i am so thankful for that! She can just listen to me go on and on and encourage me through it all! I have actually taken the time this month to just have fun! And i am thankful for all the distractions! It has been nice to have a "break" and not constantly remind myself that i am "infertil". Today i was like uh oh i havent taken an ovulation test... what if i missed my window... why did i get off track... what was i thinking...and then i started to feel guilty. Like i have no right to be sad if i dont get pregnant because i didnt try with all that i had this month. But then i had to stop and give glory to my God! He knew that infertility was starting to consume me again and he gave me this little break as a gift! Remember to give glory to God in all situations! Because his plan for us is always better for us than our own plan! But i do have to say that i still have my hard days! Someone who has not had to deal with infertility may not understand that days that seem completely normal to them may affect someone dealing with infertility differently. Like next week is thanksgiving! We all say what we are thankful for and spend time eating with our families. Someone dealing with infertility worries about things like which family member this year is gonna ask us when we are gonna have a baby? How will we answer this time? Then although we love our family, seeing them with there children knowing that we are showing up "Just the two of us" again stirs envy in us.
Tonight at church we got the question again "when are yall gonna have a little one?" this time it was from our preacher. I plainly told him as soon as the Lord will let us. Then i told him that we have been trying for 17 months and to please pray for us. But each time someone ask us and we tell them that we are trying but just cant there is always that awkward moment where you can see in there eyes that they are sorry for asking. Its funny that im the one that tries to comfort them letting them know that its ok and that we are hopeful and faithful.
The hubby told me the other day that he does not like the word infertil and asked me to not use it. I then realized that he may still be in a little bit of denial that its really been 17 months. I asked him what word he would like me to use (with a little aggervation in my voice) and he told me to call it our broken oven! Haha! He can always make me laugh (even in infertility or in our case our broken oven) and for that i am thankful! Its so easy to let infertility be our lable and to pity ourselves for not having a baby, but i have to stop and be thankful for the wonderful things we do have in life! We have each other! We have our home! We have our health! We have our family! Things could be so much worse!
So if you follow my blog im sure you are wondering about our famous brown paper bag! It is still on our counter (empty) and has not made it to the doctor. Mainly due to us being so busy! But i am determined to make the time or should i say make the hubby make the time next week! So hopefully my next blog will be an update blog with our results!
2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed;
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