Here we go again...

So as of my last post I left off in not so great of spirits. And to be honest I did have a long while there of being depressed and at a point of wanting to give up! But my wonderful husband would not hear of it. I let my self be sad, upset, and even a little angry. Then I got back out, did a little retail therapy and am now set up for our next round of HCG.  Please be praying for us that it works this time. I try and make sure and pray for Gods will to be done which is very hard when all I want to pray for is MY will to be done!! But one thing is for sure, Gods plan for us will not come a day later or sooner then He has planned for us. So if we do not get the results we are looking for please pray that we have the strength and understanding to handle things a little better this time around.

If the HCG process does not work this time our next step will be the HSG ( which is very expensive and we will have to do some type of fund raiser  to afford the appointment) But my hopes are high and we will see the unveiling of Gods plan in His time.

Im not as nervous this time around because I know what to expect now, which I assume is how things will go in other treatments if we have to go through them. 

The reality of infertility has hit the hubby full force. Ive always thought he was in a bit of denial about the situation, but after seeing the doctor he had the attitude of us not getting pregnant not being an option. When that negative result came he took it harder then he ever has. Im now not only nervous about a negative result but also how the hubby is going to be. My heart hurts to think that his heart hurts. Which contributed the the reasons of why I wanted to give up and stop trying. I thought if we stop trying I dont have to see that look on his face ever again. I dont have to find out something is wrong with me. And we dont have to live on such a tight budget anymore to pay for these infertility cost. But we both talked about it and none of the reasons or excuses are valid enough to stop trying to achieve our dream of parenthood.

After we are done with our treatment I will update you. And after our test results I will update you guys. Last time I felt like I needed to let you all know something but I was very short and to the point due the the feelings of hopelessness I was feeling. I cant assure you that the next one wont be the same if we get a negative result again but I will update you all.

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future